Self Improvement with Irinä: June 2017

Heya back!

Me, myself and I a couple of days ago.

This is a sincere highlight of Summer 2017 which affected my way of thinking a lot. I am now looking back at this article (it's been some months; since I published it on late June) and I realize I had no Idea how much this mindset swift would reflect a series of changes and evolution accompanying the end of an Era and the Start of another! So the initial post goes like this:

"June is not just here, it's almost over! A month ago I had a really different plan in mind for June's blog updates, yet life is full of plot twists so here I go with an article I wasn't supposed to compose at the first place. In fact, an experience (not enjoyable at all) made my whole mental existence shake, tested my boundaries and challenged my inner strength to the limits. I had rough days but as I'm always a Self Improvement oriented person, I chose to gather all the data of this experience and turn them into a life lesson for me. That's today's topic: Life Lessons.

What I am about to share today is not the conditions of what I have been through, but the outcome. What I gained out of this mess.

Before entering this drainful situation I was full of energy, hope, motivation and dreams, ready to dive into a different routine, far out of my comfort zone. I had an Ideal background to proceed and that's how i got started. Within a month, the conditions were such to completely challenge my physical and mental response in an increasing pace and mid-June found me totally freaked out, drained and exhausted. I kept on accepting things I shouldn't for a long time, being patient and keeping my temper. I was thoughtful, trying to make the best profitable decision twisting everything in my mind for days to make sure I wouldn't regret anything. Right on this process, the killer shot came and i fed up. INSTANTLY. All these thoughts I've been processing were suddenly solid, forming a sentence: YOU HAD ENOUGH OF THIS. This happened not in a moment of temper loss or under anger. It happened within a moment, when I realised who am I and what I deserve.

I was far away from home (and computer) so in a try to express myself, I composed a small text summing up the inner strength wave i felt, washing out my doubts and fears at that moment.

The text was:

" Well, it takes self awareness to be an efficient and successful warrior. Sometimes it's not about how much you stick into something or how much you want it but about acknowledging your needs and value. Sometimes, sacrificing everything for a reason, a person, a target etc won't bring you success. You have to realise who you are and what you deserve. We are so used to our own features that we forgot how special we are......That's where self awareness kicks in. Knowing where to stop, what's worth it and when you just have to walk away, not because you give up, but because this plate doesn't serve you anymore. There are moments you shouldn't try to "fix it", you're not the reason it doesn't work. But even if you force it and finally get it, it won't matter because it won't be right for you. If it was, it wouldn't make you lose yourself. If it was right, you wouldn't be drained unable to enjoy its whole existence. Sail away."

Truth is, after writing this down, i read it multiple times and I felt extremely strong to defend and protect myself. I realised there's a limit on the parts of ourselves we sacrifice. If something smashes our soul it's not worth it. We have to be solid, content and pure in order to feel complete and happy. Life is not heaven itself. It is full of people and occasions that disrespect you or try to twist the perspective you have of yourself, not always targeting you personally, but just because it is more profitable for them. This applies either economically or personally. It's not the first time I come across with people who are aggressive, unfair, disrespectful in order to feel better through demolishing some body's spirit. It's also a fact that people who feel their spirit broken are far more easily manipulated, a situation that frequently takes place in a working environment.

What about me? I had the ideal potential before entering this situation and maybe that's the reason why even though I felt horrible, I knew I do not deserve this. I was just patient, not in hope that it will change, I was just hopping I will be able to hold on a little more for the sake of my initial goal. That Day, I woke up and felt the flow of energy across my body, for the first time in those days.
I almost had the same appetite for life as the day before I enter all these. I knew that's who I am. That's how i want to be. I stood up on my own feet, pointed out my value, supported myself and took charge of my own happiness and life. I demanded what i deserve. I became fierce and kicked out anything that crossed the line of my self-respect.

Back to reality, this mindset and mental decision came together with a choice and its consequences. It was maybe the first time the conditions were so special that supporting this decision was too difficult according to the resources and further planning. I had maybe a moment of despair but I took a deep breath and reminded myself "You are strong. You are responsible for yourself and you always find a way to solve things. You are a Warrior. Act like one." And that was the moment I bravely accomplished everything. This set came with all the possible problems that could occur but still i managed to handle it and make it though. The physical exhaustion and further loss of time and money were nothing compared to the happiness and pride I felt for myself. I gained back a stronger version of myself, more mature and stable. I learnt that any kind of investment can turn into a disaster but this is not the end point. It can be twisted into a significant push up, redirecting you to something better if you choose to treat it this way. I trained myself to spot the tiny glimpse of light across the raging storm, I appreciated even more how valuable the "ordinary" things are and last and most importantly, the most significant gain i had was the feeling of self-security. Surviving one of the hardest situations while being able to solve everything by myself made me feel powerful and brave. I do not feel afraid to risk anymore, I will not limit myself on the next big decision i have in mind. Because now I know, I am not only capable to achieve what i want, but I am also efficient on dealing with whatever comes with it.

That is how I chose to transform a negative experience into a life lesson, extracting positivity and wisdom out of it. Furthermore, i realised that viewing the world from a scope which targets your wellness isn't only a valuable tool for your future and evolution but is a necessary factor to your joy equation, in the present. This point of view helped me recover pretty fast, underlined clearly my needs as well as enhancing my ability to estimate and evaluate situations faster. Being able to understand myself and what I need at each moment leads to decisions and actions which comfort me and serve my happiness in the present too. After all, I concluded that being happy is (at the highest percentage) a matter of our own choice. How we choose to deal with sorrows. Whether the choice is being dramatic and pessimistic or positive and optimistic what happened doesn't change. What will came is also uncertain. But what we have now, is the only thing we're able to control and that's our power. Take as much time as you need to heal and restore your spirit. Rip out any stain from your glorious soul, you need it pure. Comfort yourself, form an environment of persons, choices and habits that fulfil your heart and mind. Dealing with harsh situations is not a piece of cake and the last thing you need is extras cumbering your back.

Make yourself a priority, leave the past behind but make sure you move on not with bitterness, drama and confusion, Move on full of life lessons that will support your presence, protect your future and keep your mind in peace. "

I really hope this article offered even the slightest comfort, courage and motivation to your soul. It is a special one for me because everything is too recent and I still sense all the tension while sharing these thoughts with you. Life is full of ups and downs but the stability of the sailor is what guarantees the quality of the journey. Feel free to share your thoughts, questions, recommendations and feedback through the contact info below. Stay tuned for more and take care.

Love,

Irina