Self Improvement with Irinä: February 2018

Hello sweethearts !❤

Hope you are all doing well and enjoying your life as much as possible! (If not, take a look here to find out some helpful tips in order to make the most out of your days).

Today I am sharing with you a spiritual/motivational article which is basically what I would tell to my younger self If I had this opportunity. It is a different perspective I gained upon my experiences (both successful ones and failures) that I found extremely useful to keep me going, keep me motivated around my goals, enhance my focus and handle better my logical and emotional reactions around different outcomes. Let's step in the actual topic now.

Score to a new beginning. This is the title of a wonderful song by Fairyland band which pictures perfectly the atmosphere around a new beginning, the start of a change, the quest to complete something with all the might, risk, strength and bravery all these require. A part of the lyrics is:

(Full lyrics here)

Now we are close to a new world coming, blessed by the light in our souls

No more we'll follow the blind "And his lies won't be heard"

We'll be the masters of our lives.

On this day we will fly away like an eagle soars to another shore

We are flying high on the events tide. Blessed be the one who guides us

Higher, take me higher, the dreams sent by the gods live forever now, forever more

It is definitely a wonderful way to put this, obviously uplifting, inspiring and positively packed with bravery and hope. This is an aspect accompanying most cases of marching for something new, whether it is a small change or a rapid one. Making a change is driven by some reasons, which will determine the percentage of positive and negative emotions around it. Let's examine the two edges of this perspective:

For instance, you might be in a difficult situation financially which requires you to take action if you want to resolve the problem. This might be getting a second job to increase your income, quitting your current job for a better paid one or even start working on a completely different domain. Another way (which could also work supporting the options stated above) would be to reduce your expenses.

For example, If you are a busy parent who hired a babysitter, saving up the expenses of a babysitter will be a small relief for the money deficit but it will require you to spend more time and energy around the things that were previously taken care of by the babysitter and thus affecting drastically your reality.

If the financial struggle is significant and you can not overcome it within some months of smart management you might need to get a house with cheaper rent/overall expenses which will also bring a bunch of changes in your everyday life. Getting a new job, increasing your responsibilities, reorienting your effort and time, changing your home and reality, in this case, are only filling you with anxiety, stress, despair, tiredness, misery and can be overwhelming. Why?

Because the reason which powered all these changes is a financial struggle, which is something unpleasant, something you didn't dream about and it is something you are forced to do whether you like it or not, in order to resolve a problem of urgent priority. As a consequence, since the reason of the change is negative and unpleasant itself it will trigger negative emotions and thoughts forming a not enjoyable environment/reality for you.

Let's take a glimpse on the opposite edge now:

Imagine that you are person who has a specific goal (ex. to work on a big successful company on your field of interest) which makes you really passionate. This goal relies on your strong interest around this domain and it includes all the actions you have to perform in order to pursue this goal (improving yourself, expanding your knowledge, gaining experience, researching possible opportunities, even applying for a position). You finally get offered a position in that company which is located abroad. You are obviously happy and you have a short amount of time ahead to do all the necessary preparations in order to move out on time. Depending on your financial situation you might need to get an extra job prior to your departure to save some money for your new beginning. You will need to cut down on the money you spend as well as dealing with all the responsibilities your current job has, you will also have to accomplish a lot of tasks everyday for your paperwork, organization and material preparation. Of course you will have an amount of anxiety and tiredness but your enthusiasm and motivation will be on a level high enough to conceal them and keep you going. The day has come and you are finally there. You will have to find a new home in a new land where you are actually a stranger, deal with all the typical procedures, pass the doorstep of your dream job with all the uncertainty it may has, go through a period of adjustment and of course spend a lot of energy to fix everything on your own as you need to save as much money as possible until you become stable again. However, you will still be happy, excited, inspired to work even harder to enjoy your success. In this case you also had to deal with the same pattern: Getting an extra job, increasing your responsibilities, quitting your current job, getting a new one, reorienting your effort and time, changing your home and reality. The amount of tiredness, uncertainty, stress will be the same but you will feel faaaaar different compared to the previous scenario. Why? Because in this example the main reason to proceed to all these changes was a positive one and even though the "toll" you had to pay (aka discomfort, tiredness, struggle) was significant, the overall experience was positive, hopeful, full of lessons, beautiful emotions and productive thoughts which helped you remain focused and brave during all this time.

Do you get it now how the reason can alter your experience, mental and emotional state rapidly?

Back in reality now, the circumstances tend to be a bit more complicated. Usually, when we are about to pursue a new beginning there are more than one reasons behind that. Some can be positive while some others can be negative. The final feeling this sum of reasons will cause to you depends on two key factors: 1) the actual ratio between them (pleasant and obligatory ones) and 2) the evaluation you consciously make which is basically where do you target your focus (on the pleasant or unpleasant ones). Analyzing this pattern, we can extract a bunch of relations between ourselves and the possible outcomes. Specifically:

At first sight we might think that the actual ratio between these reasons can not be altered. This is basically wrong. If you can not exclude some of the negative/obligatory/unpleasant reasons (ex. the financial struggle of the first scenario described above) you can always add more positive reasons and thus changing the ratio between them. Using the same overall negative scenario some extra positive reasons could be:

" Getting an extra job might sound tiring and stressful but I also need to do it in order to socialize more, enlarge my circle and thus having a greater chance of getting a better paid job."

"Increasing my responsibilities feels like a pain in the ass but it will make me more organized and I need to improve this feature to mature, be more efficient and skillful around my time management. "

"As a parent, I may not have the help of a babysitter anymore in order to save money and necessarily my time and energy will be divided in far more parts but this will also increase the amount of time I spend with my kids and I need to enhance the bonds between us."

"Quitting my current job scares me a lot but it will also make me realize how capable I am to accomplish what I want and I need to show/remind myself how strong and brave I am inside."

"Getting a new job might be frustrating and stressful as I will feel like a fish out of the water but it will be a new challenge for me to evolve and conquer new horizons in many scopes."

"Relocating myself to decrease the expenses is linked to an overall change of reality, it will be less convenient for me to reach my workplace and more frustrating around daily activities but I will have a chance to experience something different, to meet new people and use this opportunity to both solve my financial problem and refresh/improve myself through these changes."

So you basically added 6 positive reasons behind these actions you need to take and thus you actually changed the ratio. Jumping on the second key factor we can easily assume that it is not an independent one. Up to a point, in order to find some positive reasons you need to focus on the positive side of things. Furthermore, choosing consciously to pay more attention to the benefits constantly as well as creating productive and cheerful thoughts around them is a whole different story. This is where the power of perception works its magic. A very clear view of its impact is infused in the second scenario I presented earlier. This scenario is overall described as the "positive" one not because it lacks struggle, discomfort, negative aspects or risk of failure. What creates positive energy around it, is the CONSTANT motivation the participant has which is driven by the will to succeed. The participant has CHOSEN to focus on the positive reasons and outcomes instead of the negative (stress, the need to increase his income to be financially secure, being away from his family/friends, social anxiety in the new place, insecurities around his performance in the new workplace, fear of adaption, being overwhelmed by the bureaucratic procedures, exhaustion from getting an extra job and the list goes on). This is what gives him courage and inspiration to remain persistent on the amount of effort he has to make and thus keeps motivating his own self until he reaches the top.

What about our own reality though? What happens before we take our first step on the new path?

Aye, we plan ahead actively.

That is EXACTLY the point where I'd love to address these information to my younger self if I could turn back time. Most of the times, especially when we are young we are simply chasing our goals, which is a healthy and beautiful thing itself, packed with tons of lessons and experiences for us to level up. So in that case the "ratio" leans naturally on the positive side as the reason is " to achieve your dreams". Key factor #1: ✔

Though, in many cases the outcome turns to failure because we let the negative aspects (obstacles, personal fears, insecurities etc) take over. They take over when we get affected enough to reduce our effort, replace positive thoughts with negative ones, spend more energy on our insecurities rather than our improvement and overall stop motivating ourselves. Difficulties, delays and a whole bunch of possible external factors will always be present, in joy and sorrow.

Life itself is unpredictable so external influences are a natural thing to deal with. If the internal factors are already unstable (such as fears, insecurities, uncertainty around a specific goal, chasing this particular goal for the wrong reasons, not being willing to fight hard at the first place etc) then any negative external incident will only enhance your already negative internal state and lead to an overwhelming situation which in turn will make you drop the towel.

Most of the persons I know who failed on something, were either not really into the goal itself (didn't invest enough time to plan ahead and take action, the goal itself did not make their eyes sparkle at the first place etc) OR they left the circumstances rule over them. I personally know people who are really smart, equipped with a good amount of useful features and have a strong potential to achieve their goal but they gave up.

Some walked away when the first obstacle appeared, some others walked away or remained still after numerous times of trying without getting the desired outcome. In my opinion, this last category is the saddest because the major reason they did not meet success was not the lack of effort but the wrong direction of it. A wonderful quotation of Albert Einstein on the word Insanity goes like " Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" , which i find veeery very true.

It is of high importance to be realistic and subjective sometimes. When you are internally unstable, you get affected and thus your perception is not subjective. The most common chance is that you are unable to understand that If a particular action did not lead you where you wanted this is NOT the end of the world. You can always try again. And again. BUT, if repeating the same action keeps leading you to the wrong direction you NEED to change this action. You need to try again with a different approach on the SAME goal, wanting to reach the same destination. Being subjective means that you are able to understand that If you do not change your action you will not move forward.

Then, it is up to how open minded and willing you are to try alternatives which is strongly linked to how bad you want to achieve that goal. If you are not open-minded or you are not necessarily fascinated by that goal you will most likely quit in this exact point. Imagine an equation of repeated failures due to repetition of the same unsuccessful methods multiplied with the lack of confidence and all the possible things that can go wrong and BOOM. You get the "how to stop motivating yourself" recipe.

Nobody said that both the planning and the execution of a plan would be an easy thing. Nobody said that they are impossible, too. How you decide to perceive things is vital to your success. In other words, where you target your attention and energy to, determines where you will end up to. Where a person sees obstacles, another one sees challenges to win. Where a person feels repeated failure, another one feels curiosity to try a different approach. Where a person feels the circumstances hostile, another person stands up and works hard to make them more fertile. When a person takes a step backwards because of uncertainty or fear, another one dares, takes one forward and overcomes the fear. When a person has 5 reasons to quit, a successful person will find 6 to keep going. Last but not least, the fact that a person used to view things in an A way does not mean that he can not afterwards change his point of view in a B way. What makes the difference between these two persons is the conscious and persistent practice of beneficial energy manifestation.

If you are not born to view things beneficially, you can always train yourself to do it.

Practice makes excellence.

All these may sound obvious for most of us, it can not be thaaaat hard after all to assume that If you keep thinking negative you are not going any further in life. Someone would guess that people who failed are the ones who have not realized that yet. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. Most of them are intelligent, mature, responsible and have been successful in other domains of their lives. How can they fail on a particular goal, despite having a strong potential? They have a "non-beneficial" mindset around it. Period.

I recently came to the realization that the amount of emotional instability someone experiences around a goal is not stable. Especially, the longer you walk out of your comfort zone to achieve a goal, the more this amount increases. This can easily explain why someone can be successful around some goals but fails when trying to achieve a goal which requires him to walk far away from his comfort zone.

When you shoot for mediocrity or easy -FOR YOU- things (= in your comfort zone depending your features), chances are that you will succeed with a minimal effort and thus things will be more or less optimal around you. As a result, you have no reason to train yourself to spot the positive side of things, to extract reasons to keep you motivated or to train your mind to find alternative approaches.

What you achieved with minimum effort because it was within your comfort zone, can be a dream for someone else. So the achievements themselves do not define "excellence", "mediocrity" or importance. What defines these terms is the connection between you and these achievements. If you are grown in a pattern in which you didn't practice the art of self motivation, you didn't get used to the struggle and you come across a reality where you suddenly need to perform your best while dealing with negative circumstances you will end up overwhelmed, disappointed, tired and you will fail.

The only way to overcome this, is to work on your mental and emotional stability. The more stable you are, the more consistent your energy manifestation around the right things will be. As a consequence the more beneficial your effort will turn out.

I can describe myself as a daring person that in most cases had no problem to dare or attempt something. Most of the times I always got what I wanted but in some others i had to struggle really much, get disappointed and then figure out new ways to adjust myself and effort properly to reach my destination. There have been also times, I was brave enough to chase something which of course was difficult, I tried as much as I thought I could but since I was emotionally fragile back then, I got overwhelmed and I was finally unable to handle it with the same intensity as when I started. I kept fighting and I did not end up where I wanted which of course made me frustrated since I couldn't understand why.

After some years I can safely say that I made two severe mistakes: First, I was not subjective enough to realize it was not the lack of effort which costed me the desired outcome but the wrong method I used. Second, I was not as emotionally stable as I should in order to follow the alternative plan I had in mind. I cared a lot about what my close people would think/say since their behavior was affecting me pretty much and I chose to keep them satisfied instead of doing my thing. After all, the only things I have regretted in my entire life are those I didn't do, which tought me that I should always trust my judgment and needs across the path I choose to follow. It is my life after all and I have to live it for me, not for someone else. I have to be the pilot, I choose the destination, I accept the responsibility of the journey.

Up to present, I am in one of these transitional life periods where I have to make serious decisions, take action to shape my life differently, setting some new goals while still being creative, productive and fierce making progress on my current goals as well. It takes a lot of time and effort, it is challenging and demanding, it requires persistence and concentration and of course comes in conflict with some activities such as going out often, spending a lot of time with other people etc. Some of the goals I am working on at the moment, are not always approved or liked by the people around me but this is a point I learnt to overcome and keep going. I met obstacles, traps, delays, discomfort on the way but I still keep going. I prefer to focus on the target and work my way there instead of spending fuel on the distractions. Learning from my mistakes and evaluating subjectively the circumstances let me detect the crucial points where I have to be careful with. Spotting points I have been before gives me the advantage of knowing what to do and what to do not depending on the desired outcome. If I could turn back time, I would tell myself to shut my ears and follow my heart. Best case scenario I would get what I wanted. Worst case I would gain a valuable lesson to use properly in order to redirect myself on the way to success.

I strongly believe that any rock you step on has its own purpose across a journey. It has something to offer you whether this is an opportunity, a lesson or a sign. The sharp rocks are there not to cut your feet but to show you if you really want to keep going on that path. If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave, make a change, it is never too late to claim your pure happiness. If the rocks wounded you but you still want to reach the end, these rocks let you realize that you really want this and thus they will make you feel secure with your choices, something essential in order to support and motivate yourself across the way.

If you can relate to any part of this article, that means you are a person who tries, a person who dares and has goals which is something I congratulate you about, deeply. In order to conquer your goals you have to fall many times but you have to stand up even more. The master will fail more times that the average has ever tried. If you are on your way to pursue a new beginning but you feel overwhelmed keep reminding yourself that you are the only one who holds the key of your success.

It is normal to have a little stress and not having everything sorted out. It is alright to have your knees shaking a bit, this shows how important and big is this goal for you. Take a step back, breathe in and write down all the problems you currently face and prevent you from progressing. Find the causes and set a new, honest and effective plan. Be loyal to it.

Find positive reasons and aspects to pack your effort.

VISUALIZE yourself bringing your dreams to life. I know it may sound weird, but I SWEAR it works. Visualization is a very important step, if you can not make a picture of how you want to be in your life (physically and/or mentally) you are unable to track your progress (that you could use it as motivation) and navigate yourself to the destination.

Instead of worrying what could possibly go wrong start thinking of all the things that could go right. Set timelines and deadlines to examine if the plan you set is giving you the results you want. If not, analyze all the factors and surroundings in detail to construct a new plan. Be excited about it, search for inspiration and get committed to your evolution.

Work on yourself to the point of feeling safe with your judgment and decisions. Keep reminding yourself WHY is this particular goal important to you.

Keep remembering the pain of NOT having what you want and get yourself far away from that point. Look back only to look how far you have come.

Ignore anything that does not respect or care about your happiness. Remove toxicity from your environment and spend your energy wisely.

Last but not least, observe failures as a chance to try a different approach, gain experience and eliminate the unpredictable factors. If you want to reach a goal which can be approached in 10 different ways but only one of them is effective, chances are that the random one you choose will possibly be one of the unsuccessful approaches. If you fail, you can exclude it and try for another. If you keep going having a plan you will eventually meet your goal.

If you manage to integrate these thoughts into the way you perceive things you will have a beneficial mindset around your new beginning or existing journey. The quality of your life and effort will both increase taking you many steps closer to the place you want to be.

Being able to handle your thoughts and emotions is a very under-rated tool which turns to be the most crucial after all. We live in a society which presents thousands reason for us to be disappointed, YOU are the only one who should have the power to determine your path and YOU must be the ONE to give you courage and motivation every day.

Do not get me wrong, of course it is lovely to have external support but MAKE SURE that you can make it on your own so that you can enjoy anything else as a bonus and not become fragile and desperate if this support stops being provided.

These have been some thoughts that this period brought in my mind and I felt the need to share them with you as I believe there are many people out there who are in the doorstep of making a change but are afraid to take the big step. I really hope you felt inspired to explore this whole new level of your life and that you gathered back some courage to keep yourself going. Feel free to share your thoughts with me using the information provided below and this time I would like to conclude with two quotations to have in mind:

"Do not tie your happiness in people of things, they both come and go in this life, they can hurt, use and disappoint you. Tie your happiness in your goals and realize that it is actually in your hands."

"Do not be afraid to jump. You may fall but darling, what if you fly? Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you will land among the stars"