Goodmorning people !
Here i am for one more post to share my opinion with you as promised on my previous articles .What i'm going to write about today , is the situation taking place when people leave from our lives .I think many of us have been in a bad life period at least once due to somebody's absence so i guess this article appeals to a large group of people out there .
I am a kind of person who has experienced the word "absence" in many different ways such as deaths , breakups , friendship endings , family related issues etc , not only as a part of this situation ( when the absence affects me directly ) but also as a "third person" out there who is trying to support the loved ones when they are involved in such situations.
From this comparison i can state one thing for sure : '' Nothing is exactly as it seems '' . And this small sentence has a really deep meaning .
Let me explain :
An absence , no matter what type of it , is a really hard part to get over it especially when it is related to someone who has been important for you . But it's not impossible .
Nothing is exactly as it seems . Some people have the ability to move on faster than other people do either because it's a feature of their character or because they just choose to do it even though it is seems too hard to handle .
Nothing is exactly as it seems . At first it may look impossible / too hard to even give it a try . But it's not .
Most people , when they experience an absence or simply when someone leaves from their lives , know it's gonna be hard but they are completely negative in the beginning . They think the pain will last forever and they just sit down thinking of the absence .
Guess what : IT WON'T . It won't last forever .
Here's a song of band Dragonforce that i really like . The song is called 'Seasons' and there's a really inspiring lyric in it : " The words are dying in the night ! No winter lasts forever!!The seasons pass and the sunlight will shine On my life again " ;)
It's the right moment to let it play ! Keep on reading ;)
I noticed that on myself too , in hard days i was thinking " i will always live with these thoughts in my mind , i will never manage to forget since my emotional effort on this person was too heavy to just erase everything , i will always be tortured by nostalgic memories etc "
One word : NEGATIVITY . It happens when you are not willing to try . Even when someone is trying to help/support , you just turn him down , saying '' You don't know how it feels - It's too hard to do it '' refusing even to try !
In every single case , after some days/months i changed my mind even if nothing happened during this period and i started to feel better . The reason of it is that i came through accepting what happened , realising the situation i am now , estimating myself and its needs and moving on .
KEY WORD : ACCEPTANCE
In order to continue your life without " torturing memories " you have to make inner peace with yourself and the only way to make it is to accept what happened . As a fact . Not as what you believe it is . A single rain drop is not necesssrily a storm.
At first we all get too affected by emotions,facts,change of routine,wrong beliefs and all in all we are not able to see the problem in its real size . That's normal , at least the first days . The point here is to realize the importance of estimating right both the situation and yourself quickly , so that you can see what's going on and not having an illusion of the situation you are in . This will save really much wasted time because life goes on only when you let it go . Nothing can keep you back , except you . You'll be sad at first but there is a reason for it . You will come back stronger ;)
When you face something directly you can clearly view the available options and choose the best one for you. In order to ensure yourself you picked the right choice consider this :
After seeing things dispassionately you must think WHY did all these happen . What was the cause of it? What did you learn from it ? How do you think this will help you ? If in the future you were in the same situation what would you handle differently ? Don't get stuck in wondering '' Why did he/she leave '' . Use the positive side of this fact which is improving yourself through your experience.
After every experience you are never ever the same . Because everyone leaves memories,food for thought,lessons behind when he's gone . It's your job to find them , this is the process of growing up and being more mature .
Also some times when someone leaves , it is an opportunity to get stronger since you will have to handle all these he/she used to . A typical example from my personal experience was a hard issue i was suffering from in the past : insecurity of being alone . When i was left alone i had to face my biggest fear ever . Being alone . Not physically . You can never be physically alone , you will always be surrounded by people .
What happens when you are in the center , surrounded by hundreds but it feels like there's no one there? I felt lonely , mentally alone . Why ? Because i used to handle this insecurity with someone else , that 'someone else' became a necessity since without him i couldn't be calm . He was covering this fear with his presense so i had nothing to worry about . That's how you get in a way ''addicted'' to a situation not on the person who consists it .
When this person was gone i felt like i'm unable to go on because suddenly this comfortable defense against my fear was gone too . And that was the exact moment when i did something i should have done many years ago . FACED MY FEAR . The best way to get over something is to face it directly , the way it is . BE BRAVE .
Once you decide to support yourself , pick up your pieces and realize you deserve something better , not being addicted to something that doesn't make you really happy but just covers your demons , believe in yourself and you will make it . It may be a long process but you will make it . You will stand up stronger , relieved from this dark chain and finally able to breathe free without anything haunting you .
You will also view yourself as a winner warrior and you will know , no matter what , you can make it. Alone . Even if there's no one there . Your life will never be the same . You will now be able to enjoy everything , being yourself without forming sick relations to people and situations .
Emotional addiction is a really hard problem with dozens of negative consequenses for you either if you are the addicted one or the addiction of someone else. Lot of hard work to do but no pain , no gain .
I guess previous track is over by now so here's the second one ,super suitable to what you just read https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FhlF1tNZnA , 'No Pain , No Gain' from Scorpions with super inspiring lyrics here
When people leave there is a reason for it. Sometimes we must leave too even if it looks cruel and hard . It's good to care about people around you but it's too bad when you care about anyone else except yourself .
You are the main supporter of yourself , don't ignore its needs .
When someone turns his back on you , when someone dies , when someone just disappears from your life , Its a shock , the feelings are different and the range of their intensity too . There is one common thing in all : YOU CAN MAKE IT . BELIEVE IT AND DARE .
If you succeed once , you can do it again and again . Find out who you are , what do you want , never let yourself fall in the same trap again . See what you deserve and never ever stay in situations that are not suitable for you and don't make you happy either if you are alone in them or not . You can't have a positive life if you are surrounded by negative thoughts or negative people ! Lay back , take a deep breath and dream how do you want your life to be .
Imagine the best possible version of you , the happy one and smile ! This will be your inspiration for a better tomorrow through the experience of today's wounds ;)
( You can find my tips to have a more positive life here and here )
Everything starts and ends inside . You are the only one who handles it . You are what you choose to be .
_THE END_
This was my personal opinion on this topic . I tried to make this article as easy for you to read as i could and hope it helped you a little showing you a different point of view . Hope you also found your visit in my blog pleasant :) Stay tuned for more upcoming articles ! :)
Is there anything you want to ask/request/share with me ? Feel free to contact me ! Till next visit ,
BE HAPPY AND SMILE !
Hugs,
Irina
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